Avoiding uncomfortable convos leads to greater misunderstandings

How avoiding conflict because it’s uncomfortable reinforces a lack of understanding. The pitfalls of avoidance and its cost on your ability to speak truth, honor relationships, and mutual respect. For those of us unsure how to go about sharing what we feel is always challenging truth. Why? Because we wish to do no harm. When in the end, we hurt ourselves and whomever our message is intended. If one of us “People pleasers” unsure how to be kindly direct and forthcoming, here are some helpful tips.

1. How someone reacts/responds to our truth is out of our control - taking on that self-imposed responsibility of how it will be received is not how we honor someone. Isn’t is their right to respond/react how they deem fit? No matter how uncomfortable, we owe them that much. Besides, who are we to control the outcome for them?

2. People pleasing is just another form of control - the truth is, as “People pleasers” we go out of our way to create situations that feel safe for us because of preconceived guilt. Our desire “To do no harm” is really a fear of rejection and retaliation. As long as you’re not an ass in your delivery, it’s up to them to process in any way that feels right for them no matter the backlash. Isn’t it better knowing who your tribe is anyway by the way they respond?

3. Simply share and share simply - because sharing what matters to us we feel compelled to share more than necessary in order to feel understood. Overly verbose explanations do more harm than good. Offering too much detail before delivering your point has a diluting effect on your message. Announce you have something to share and unsure how to say it, speak your intention without blame, judgement or criticism, and allow them to ask for clarification if necessary.

4. Gratitude goes a long way - expressing thankfulness for the ability to share can go a long way even in the face of not so good news. Whether they love or hate you for the news, expressing gratitude for the ability to share really says thank you for listening.

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