Get this gorilla off me

There's something I need to get off my chest. There's a heaviness, more like a 800 pound gorilla really. It's been attacking my inspiration. Pummeling it to the ground mercilessly. Not just my inspiration, but my dream, my passion. Sometimes, it almost wins too. But I ain't going out like that. Beaten and defeated. I can do anything I set my heart in achieving.

If you've been following any of my rants then you would know that serving humanity through coaching is my passion. It's been a dream of mine long before I new what it looked like. It's a passion that chose me. Sharing my presence with another being, listening to their soul, acknowledging their spirit, and validating essence. It helps me feel connected to something bigger than all of us. To something deeply profound and intimate. To beauty.

So what's got me feeling so heavy? The truth is, I'm weighing me down. Nothing more than thoughts, the firing of neural synapse. Energies that weigh nothing and yet leave me feeling like the universe is at a stand-still. When I put energy into growing my practice, work begins to suffer. When I focus on work, my coaching practice slows down. When I burn the candle at both ends, little micro-mistakes here, there, everywhere, stymieing progress. Being "On" all-the-time with work, coaching, personal life and parenthood is not easy.

Sometimes my focus becomes sooooo finite, that I lose sight of big picture. For example, I'll schedule myself for networking events so as to brand and put myself out there. Then BAM, I've got a task assigned to me from work that requires my attention until completion. This is a common occurrence, by the way. In moments of frustration I ask why, then I hear the sweetest most subtle voice say "Not yet, Not yet." Which can only mean it's not my time, yet.

All of this is compounded by a couple of factors. Where once I was an extrovert and social butterfly, the more at peace i become with self and intuition, the less I desire social interactions. What's a guy to do? Getting out there and tooting my own horn to potential clients feel so awkward and foreign. The act is what feels foreign, not celebrating my genius. The reality is I'm a badass coach. I was created for coaching. It is my art, my genius.

Doesn't mean I don't wish for my ideal scenario to be something along the lines of people just POOF popping into existence and experiencing the power of coaching without the need for all the marketing and branding. Is that too much to ask?

Alas, grace, even with progress, no matter how slow or fast is how I am to honor myself. The fact is I am not sitting idle waiting for something to happen. I am making it happen, and when I time, when it is graced upon me, I will recognize the face of opportunity. For I have done the work.

What thoughts or notions hold you back from living in your genius? I can help support you through whatever has you feeling stuck. I invite you to reach out. There is no shame in receiving support. 

Ty RyanComment