Happy birthday to me, happy birthday to me, happy birthday to Tyyyyyyy, happy birthday... to... me. I'm so easily entertained my own antics. Really, it's not my birthday, but did you feel that twinge of discomfort? Even for the briefest of moments, did it take you back that awkward moment when the world was celebrating you?
The mere thought of being celebrated, in any fashion, causes my anxiety to purculate. More like boil over abruptly. This extroverted introvert really only appreciates being in the lime light in the spirit of service. Teaching, sharing, guiding, and coaching, these are how I love to celebrate in the brilliance of others. Make it about me and the grip of axiety's claws tighten as they slowly shred from the inside. Sound familiar?
The recipient of "A life rich in experience" award goes to... not this guy. True story. Usually, I will give of myself until the inner saboteur of codependent perfectionism is released from his cage, and his wrath shackles me just below the water's edge as if to taunt me of its merciless power. You'd never know it at first glance, but as Jena can attest the vibe emanating from my being is thick and heavy like a dense shadow bearing a smile.
My warped sense of giving was only brought into awareness by my observation of others facing the same affliction as me. The opportunity, I soon realized, was in unleashing my true potential, for real abundance, by not solely in giving external from myself. It was in allowing my soul to receive the full breadth of life as much as I gave. In giving myself permission to experience as many intentional and purposeful moments of receiving as possible.
Essentially becoming life's yes man. I've lived a pretty hard life. Even as I write this piece I am now brave enough to admit that it could have all been so much easier had I simply listened to what life was trying to show me. We become so fixated on what's right before us that often we miss what is on the other side, and all around. Concepts such as success and true abundance were my glass ceiling.
Receiving a thoughtful gift from a someone or assistance from a stranger somehow triggers something. Guilt and shame are like multiplying gremlins because of busted pipes leaking within our ego. Futility, however, is in the resistance to receive love in any form, or any source, even from self.
Success has been no stranger to me either. Blessings have also shined upon this tattered life. Now, I'm ready for more. Thank you for my now. Thank you for my then. Rain upon me the glory of your abundance for now I am truly ready to receive and be in greatness. I am worthy of your splendor, I am divined every moment I am in communion with all that is.
To me energy is energy. I choose to welcome in all energies that support me a life I believe and co-create with this universe. The moral of this rant is this, share with all of your being, to self as with another. Givers, refrain from giving. I know, it makes no sense when I say "Do not give." This goes against everything we've been conditioned to believe. Think about it, to give means to release fully, of energy, possessions, self. When you donate, are you giving all or only what you are willing to release?
If you are choosing to give only what you are willing to release then you are actually sharing without expectation of receiving. When I give someone money, I am doing so with the intention of receiving something in return. Otherwise I am sharing what I have with another without expectation of return. That is to say, by giving my heart to another, I leave myself with nothing, and therefore expecting them give me theirs. That's Insanity! For there is no guarantee of return. To give is great. To share is even greater.
To share sets the vibrational intention for equitability (say that 10 times-fast), in both giving and receiving. Savvy? To share my love, my energy, my possessions, means I give to you and me. It may not always be equal in amount, but energetically, it will always be equitable. How much you share is totally up to you. To receive is not selfish. To take, at the expense of another, is selfish. Let's be clear about it folks.
All "Givers" no matter where on the spectrum they land share in the same affliction. They are givers because they know not how to receive. Why is this so? As children we're taught to share with others. Then as we grow older, giving becomes the norm. Whether through dogma or cultural norms. By spectrum, I'm referring to the range of disposition from selflessness to selfishness.
In my reflection of moments in perceived "Selfishness" I learned something new about myself that did not please. I only kept or seized the opportunity to share with self when in need. Otherwise, I always felt obliged to give external from myself. A great shift indeed, as this truth of sharing becomes my reality. Was I creating this sense of lack in my own life? Is this the message I was being conditioned to believe? "To give, is to receive" I've heard it said. Or you receive by giving. Is there some opposing force by which I receive as I live in the space of always giving? If life is a mirror, then wouldn't I also need to remain open to receiving?
When we give ourselves permission to receive, we in fact, begin existing in the space of sharing ourselves with all of existence. Life begins to feel equitable as we learn to give to ourselves whilst giving to others. A novel concept, indeed. Be well lovely souls.
A call to transformation
What are your thoughts? Go ahead and comment below. Did this article trigger something in you? Then I invite you to book a complimentary coaching session with me and let's chat about it.