Queue the next wound for me to heal... said no one ever! "What the heck are you yammer about now Ty?" A sweet friend of mine Rachel, whom I'd like to thank for the inspiration to write this impromptu post, recently made reference to a Universal fact. The moment we courageously enter a space to begin facing ourselves a Universal "Healing Queue" co-creates everything we need to heal our ourselves. As we heal one energetic/emotional wound, our next healing moment is queued up until we are in a space to heal it. There's no bypassing, no overcoming. Only stepping in and through it. Very much like sitting with the discomfort of driving behind some slow-ass car on a two-lane road.
Isn't it amazing to think how each one of us are in a relationship with this living breathing, all encompassing Universe? Here's a mind bender for you. This all encompassing Universe is also in constant relationship with each and everyone of us, and Us as a Collective. Without judgment, without prejudice. It learns from us just as much as we (well most of us at least) learn from it. So no matter how you define that which is greater than you, remember it is also in relationship with me, and me in relationship with you. I swear I exist somewhere between the Twilight Zone and this reality.
Back to the topic on this "Healing Queue", as I'd like to call it. This "Healing Queue" (catchy btw) is part of a construct, put in place to grow us, stretch us, expand us. It's not static either like the one you would find programmed by some coder sitting behind a computer screen. No, it is as dynamic and organic as our Universe - non-physical in nature, and very real to our physical existence. It starts queuing up the moment we are born into existence and remains until we cross over. Sometimes carrying over onto every iteration we, meaning our soul, lives. Yes, it is a thing, I've seen my own and that of others when performing past life regressions for clients. It is also a generational thing. In other words, remnants or residual crap from our parents "Healing Queue" is, more often than not, passed on, projected and imprinted into our "Healing Queue" during the most programmable years of our human existence.
Yep, we're screwed before we even have the power choose for ourselves, but fret not my brothers and sisters. This is actually a good thing. A really, really good thing! As I write this I can feel myself light up with hope. You see, armed with this understanding we actually do have the power to choose. Have you heard of the axiom "What we resist, persists?" I finally understand the whole of its meaning, in the context of our "Healing Queue." All we have to do is recognize the moment we are feeling resistance to an energetic/emotional wound and heal it. Simple enough right? NOT! Right, so where's our power of choice. Our power in is self-awareness, in caring enough about the quality of life we wish to live.
Here's my truth. I've experienced many interactions with women, made many blunders, but through it all I've only had a handful of committed relationships. In fact, I'm considered by some in my inner most circle as a "serial relationship" type of guy. I have never appreciated being alone. Deep inside I truly couldn't comprehend it was a thing I could embrace and nourish for periods of time. Let alone understand the reason behind every partner I chose. I'm a commitment oriented person. "That is who I am." Or so I thought. LoL. It wasn't something modeled for me, nor was it ever a concept I knew existed as a child. My grandmother (rest her soul) was married to a man whom with she didn't really have a relationship. They were just married, a placeholder, a warm body. My mom, shit my entire family modeled bouncing from one relationship to the next.
I have come to learn that every partner I chose was somehow instrumental for my healing. They were an integral part of my "Healing Queue." Therapy, part of my "Healing Queue." Friends and family, also played a part; bosses, colleagues, strangers, etc.
Here's what I have realized in writing this illuminating post. Every wound I healed only made room for creating a space to heal the next. Comparing my life to anyone else's serves me none. My healing queue is mine alone, as is my journey. It's formless and powerful and only as painful as I choose. My resistance to allowing and co-creating the space I need to heal the next one only serves to anchor me to a Now not of my choosing. Love and Light y'all.