Yay, all the delightful pigments are soon to divulge their spectacular brilliance! The richness of colors will glow with vibrancy when formally concealed by luscious green chlorophyll that nourishes their finite cycle. A precious time of year, indeed, to witness such splendor.
I wonder, do trees lament their design in letting go and slumber, later to begin the process of regrowth? Or do they hold onto things that no longer serve them? What about the leaves? Their beauty and variance in pigment, all serving the same purpose and yet unique in their expression of self.
Inevitably freed from their far reaching branches only to cover the earth below as winter's slumber approaches. Alas serving their purpose, collecting rays from the sun helping power the miracle of plant life. Receiving the fall equinox is always a welcomed time for me. Fall and spring are my favorite seasons without question.
You see there are things we hold on to that are not permanent like the leaves of many trees. Granted there are evergreens and various other species that remain green all year round.
Now leading up to this transitional period there has been a sensing of impending flux around the corner and yet it felt nebulous making it difficult to name. Sensing shifts and such, as an intuitive, is the easy part, but what's been a bit elusive are the multiple dimensions to this progression. What I have been able to discern thus far are only the dimensions themselves.
It's not always clear at first, even with the ability to discern such movements, they often feel much bigger than me. For example, things like retrogrades, transitions of seasons, even planetary cycles later validated by a little research. In all honesty, the truth is this looming evolution going on in my life has been the most tumultuous. Well to clarify, even though I know what I must do, going about it has been so bloody confounding.
For the last 10 months I've be neck deep in the study and training of the Co-Active Coaching model offered by the The Coaches Training Institute to develop skills that will allow me to be a highly effective coach. At least that's my perception.
Nor has it been easy and yet very rewarding for how it feeds this fiery fervor of coaching and being of service. Now the fact is my career as an IT professional has afforded me a great living and freedom to pursue any endeavor I choose. A really cool blessing indeed. Better still, there are highs and lows in my day job. Meaning, there are highly intense periods of technical labor and then spacious lulls. It is in these lulls where I've learned to capitalize on growing myself, my practice, and living life. Easy peasy, right? Not really.
You see, I'm no longer invested in the IT industry. To the point where self-sabotage almost left me foolishly unemployed, really. To the point it was threateningly suggested to seek other opportunities if things didn't change. "Well then leave" the inner chatter yells at me, "You're a resourceful smart man, you can figure this out." Then the peanut gallery of egoic fear chimes in with its two cents "How are you going to cover your financial responsibilities, specifically child support?"
In the meantime, quietly in the background a subtle loving voice, almost silent, repeats over and over "Not yet, your time is coming." All I want to do is coach! For me this most fulfilling experience doing something I deeply love, it lights me up to the heavens. Coaching has enriched every personal relationship and all social interactions experienced thus far. Talk about impact! And simultaneously I am scared shitless to leave my job because it's paying the bills and I've yet to discover all my clients. "Suck it up and build that client base dude!" is the chatter that nags at me every passing day. What in the world am I to do? UGH!!!! Am I really willing to remain stuck? Pfffttt... yeah right! Not how I roll!
True resonance in my desire to coach is what I feel called to pursue. The reality is how am I to call forth the colors of my purpose by holding on to something that no longer serves me regardless of convenience? I simply have to open myself to welcoming in opportunities more in alignment with my purpose. However, what exactly does that look like?
Why's it gotta seem like an either/or thing? This, at times, has me feeling so disenchanted. UGH! All I want to do is glow in my passion and grace in service. The struggle has been real for some time now. I'm talking at least sixteen months. How do I continue living in authenticity in my day job when my heart is no longer in it? I've come too far in my personal growth to not live as authentically as I can. Something's gotta give right? Then in a moment of perceived brilliance, it occurs to me "Why not find a gig as a coach with some firm to further develop my skills and grow as a coach?" Duh, that's a no brainer! NOT! Really? I want to work for myself, not someone else.
Here's what the Universe just taught me. Well more like kicked me in the pants. Literally as I write this post I am feeling the downward tug of overwhelming frustration with myself and my progress. Call it impatience, call it what you will, I know me and how things flow when in alignment with my flow. Ok so onto the point of my rant, what I have learned in essence is that taking action on what feels true in the moment IS how to manifest what we want. Not later but NOW in the moment of inspiration.
"Then why are we conditioned to not follow our hearts when inspired?" Discernment, I estimate is the only logical reason, or lack therein. Quitting my job right now would not be the wisest of choices, but networking and getting out to promote That Loving Space is far wiser, nurturing the pursuit of my passion. At last, I get it! The leaves of my fleeting season are now glowing bright and bright as ever. Soon I too must let go of what no longer serves my purpose and not until I've nourished, through action, what I am here to do.